Tuesday 30 December 2014

Twas the Night(s) Before, and Around, Christmas

Christmas Eve

As I write this, it's nearly silent in our nut house. All 5 of the kids are sleeping, 4 of them piled into the same bed. Partner #2 is on the phone visiting with her parents, and Partner #1 is doing last minute gift wrapping.  I am just killing time now waiting to play Santa.

The last few days have just been a whirlwind of decorating and baking and activities and Jesus hunting and basically repeatedly discussing 'the big day' and what it will be like over and over and over again. I'm not saying that cynically, I was the person discussing it over and over and over again; you see, Christmas for me for the last few years have been a little bit anti-climactic, with a dash of depressing, with a particular emphasis on last year.

My daughter's dad and I have a "one year on, one year off" kind of arrangement, which means that every second Christmas is child free. And, as it usually happens when kids grow into adults, my brothers developed lives of their own, and it seemed like fewer of us could even make it to our childhood home for the holidays.

This time last year I was getting ready to move! The tree and presents were tucked in around boxes and furniture and it was a childless year for me. So not only was I not seeing any of my brothers, I wasn't sharing the day with my daughter, and all I wanted for Christmas was to be up here with my new family, enjoying a REAL Christmas! It was the most pathetic Christmas I have ever experienced. Lucky for me, my lovely friend, Sofia, who is from Ecuador and unable to go home for the holiday, saved Christmas eve for me by invited me over for a celebration with a bunch of her friends who were likewise, unable to go home for Christmas. It was really, really sweet.

But THIS YEAR!! It's redemption year! And boy what a season it has been! The excitement has honestly been too much for me to handle at times, and I have had to step out of the room to take a breather... Not even kidding. Thank goodness for my partners oldest daughter, Tawny! Because I was MIA catering to my anxiety often enough, without her assisting Partner #2, I think things may have gone a lot differently.

Now it is all coming to a close! A culmination. Tomorrow is the crescendo, what all this craziness has been leading up to, and I can. not. wait! It has been so long since I have had a Christmas with kids, and 5 kids no less! And to top it all off, I just cannot wait to celebrate with my new family. I am so in love with my family and my life, I just want to share this excitement and be part of it with them! Not only for me but for Isabella as well. I am excited for her to be able to share the excitement of a large family Christmas with all of her new siblings and parents.


Christmas Day

I am so tired.

I will admit, we went a little over board with the presents. I was just so swept up in the excitement! And I wasn't the only one! I had help from the partners and even Tawny came home with 7 bleeding banana boxes full of presents! Which is all fine and great, until its 10 o'clock at night and you have to pack all of those presents from their respective hiding places, top them off with bows, and then wait for Partner #1 to finish his last minute wrapping, before being able to go to bed knowing that the kids are going to hold you to that 5:30 am "at the Latest!" wake up time you gave them....


The pile under and around the tree was absurd! The formerly poor child in me was cringing at all the potential groceries those could have been. But to heck with that nonsense! They are bundles of palpable love and happiness painstakingly wrapped in colorful paper and bows! It took us 3 hours to get through it all. And was it ever worth it. The kids were so happy! Geeze, we all scored! I am materialistic enough that I am mutually as happy for the children, as I am for myself lol.

We had prepared a breakfast the night before that we could just pop in the oven and then we spent the rest of the day snacking on the left overs from our Christmas eve celebration, so there was no cooking to be done, and hardly any dishes. I highly recommend this approach for all you with kids! It's a life saver. And then in the afternoon, everyone took naps!! It was so needed by that time. I think both baby and Isabella slept for about 3 hours.

The hooks weren't strong enough to support all 8 of the stockings stuffed, so we ended up arranging them around the hearth for Christmas morning. 

Also, after having ripped out the carpet about a week ago,  Partner #1 finally managed to get some time to install the flooring Christmas Eve. Literally, he finished, we set the table....

Look at our snowflakes! 

Posing in their Christmas Eve pajama presents!

Boxing Day

Today Tawny had to leave, which was bitter sweet. Everyone was so excited to see her, no one wanted her to go. We all had a good visit though. Now she needs to go prepare for her long anticipated trip to Australia for a freaking year. We're actually fantasizing about spending next Christmas in the Cook Islands and meeting her there.... /sigh. 

Boxing day is the day Partner #1's parents come! Which is basically Christmas numero duo, since they spoil us rotten! You'll never believe what I got either!? My first piece of camo! Turns out my mother-in-law reads my blog and so read Its a Redneck Halloween and my comments on my community's egregious use of camouflage as normal everyday attire. Naturally, that translated into "Natalie needs camo!". And I gotta say, I am absolutely in love with my new rabbit fur lined camo hat. It is SO warm. Not to mention, irresistible....

Now I can blend with the locals and no one will suspect I am a complete outsider....

The in-laws come out fairly regularly, but its nice to see them in this capacity, with the kids all hopped up on Christmas spirit! The excitement is infectious.

My mission has been to clean out the house of all junk food, so we can start fresh in the new year, after all our partying is done, and boy does it show! In my defense, that dress is drapey, that's not ALL belly!

Wrap Up (Haha! Punny...)

So all-in-all I think I could safely say that it was a pretty damn magical Christmas. Crazy, and hectic, and at times, stressful, but nonetheless magical. It was exactly what I wanted Christmas to be.  

I am coming to realize, that family isn't necessarily the unit you were born into. It's the group of people you choose to surround yourself with, who you choose to open yourself up to. Our family may be a far cry from most people's ideal, but it's the one I have chosen, and it is exactly perfect for me. 



"Hey, I'm Poly!"

You know, I didn't want this blog to be political. I simply wanted a satirical rendition of my adventurous life that I could share with my family and friends. The only mention of my relationship status was to be my references to Partner #1 and Partner #2; casual and nonchalant, like it should be. I should not have to make some big "Hey I'm poly!" announcement. I should not have to explain myself. Nor do I suppose I have to in any sense of the word... However, as circumstances would have it, I am in a position of constantly being reminded of the people who disagree and outright hate my choices. In trying to maintain the few familial relationships I have left, I expose myself to painful reminders of the people I am trying to forget in an effort to preserve my emotional sanity.

This leaves me in the awkward position of trying to understand them, their reasoning, their ignorance, if only so I don't have to face the fact that perhaps this whole time they have thought little to nothing of me? I shouldn't hate someone just because they are misguided and stupid, right? But how do you rationalize easily rectified ignorance? How do you make allowances for hate?

In my attempt to explain away these peoples painful words and actions I have come up with this understanding,

Humans have a need to categorize, it's how we interact and function in life. For example, we introduce some one as "This is my wife, [Name]" or "This is my friend, [Name]". We need to qualify things, we need categories in order to understand and relate to the world around us. The problem lies in the fact that there is no frame work for polyamory, there are no categories because people don't know about polyamory! The only relations we have to categorize it are Polygamy, Subservience, Brainwashing, Cheater, etc. So you tell someone you're polyamorous and the only way they can understand is to file it under one of these headings. Which unfortunately is completely misguided. The general public is simply misinformed.

It says a lot about about society in general, that a person can understand hate, can understand child abuse, can understand spousal abuse, can understand damaging patriarchy; can understand infidelity and lying and cheating, but someone says that they love more then one person and that all parties involved are agreeable, they simply cannot compute. Period. That's not possible. We are exposed to hate and violence day in and day out through all forms of media, so we understand it. We don't necessarily agree with any of it, but we understand that its there, that its very real, and its part of our lives. The only exposure we have to love are limiting Hollywood rom coms and fantasy romance novels. Even coming into typical monogamous relationships, we have this unrealistic expectations that if you find "The One" everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows, and you will never fight, and never be unhappy for all the days of your life. And that's just not realistic. We haven't been exposed to a realistic portrayal of what real life relationships are like. On the same vein, we have not been exposed to the fact that there are alternatives to the standard "nerdy guy gets the cheerleader". How about "nerdy guy gets the cheerleader, who also happens to be with the quarterback, and they all live happily ever after"? Where is that movie?!

When we hear "polyamory", we hear all the terrible things that could be associated with it, because that's all we know. We do not hear all the wonderful things that are definitely are associated with it, because we have never been given the information to know. We have never been given the framework to understand.

If I look at it this way, I can forgive those people whom I trusted. At least, I can not hold their ignorance against them. As it stands, with the limited exposure they were given by society, they were set up to fail the sibling/father/grandparent/friend test. Where this explanation falls short is in the fact that there ARE resources, there ARE venues for these people to understand. I didn't expect anyone to necessarily "get" my decisions, they certainly didn't have to like them, but if they cared for me, they should have, in my mind, made some minuscule attempt to understand them. They should have trusted my judgement enough to have made an effort. A comparison that makes sense to me is that like extremely devout people who ignore evidence that contradicts their beliefs, these people in my life ignore any information or evidence that I can give them because it may contradict what they need to believe my relationship is.  I  would gladly answer questions, I would cheerfully point them in the right direction to find answers, I would have very happily provided them with the building blocks on which to expand their categories!! But that would have required a base desire to understand on their part, which I am coming to realize these people did not have. They did not want their narrow little worlds shaken by fact and knowledge, by love and understanding.

I am not going to go radical and overhaul Monogamy is for Manhattan to become a politically charged medium. In fact, I sincerely hope that this is the last time I bring up my poly status at all! But I want to start an understanding. I want for when someone mentions polyamory, that the other person can say "Oh yeah! I've heard of that!". I want to provide society with the absolute very basics of understanding simply by introducing the term "Polyamory" into peoples lives, so that it is not this completely foreign concept immediately categorized and understood with hate. I am in no way saying that this life is for everyone, in all honesty, it is extremely hard. I simply want to try to help make things ever so slightly easier for future poly folks who are brave enough to come out to the world.

I am lucky enough that I have this blog, that I have people who enjoy reading it! It boggles my mind sometimes, and I love it! So I feel like it is my responsibility now to try to spread this around a little. So please, to the dear person reading this post right now, please share this post with someone. Please share the concept of polyamory with someone, introduce someone to the idea that maybe there are other options, that there are people out there who actively practice alternatives. Heck, if you want, simply whisper the word "polyamory" to someone, so that maybe their curiosity will get the better of them. And pass it on. Let's give someone the first brick needed to build a foundation of understanding. I realize that sounds cheezy, but if it means I helped a fellow poly person out, I will risk my ego lol.

So please please please share it.





Saturday 13 December 2014

Bruno from Schweiz

Wow, the last few weeks (month?) have just been a whirl wind! Gosh, the last post I wrote was November 13. It seems like eons ago, so much has happened since then.

One of the things was that we had a giant snowstorm. Giant to my standards anyways. It snowed for about 36 hours straight and then on day 2 our power went out for about 14 hours. It was grand. To top it all off the nearest cell tower also went out, so the partners cell phones didn't work for a few days too. Hahaha suckers.

But in the midst of all this, we were supposed to be loading up 2 cattle liners full to take to an auction yard in southern Alberta where the prices are better. One truck didn't even make it anywhere near our area of the province and the second one made it to about a half hour before our house when he got stuck! It turned out that it was a good thing he got stuck when he did for 2 reasons: 1) He got stuck just before a massive hill that would have been completely unmanageable in his truck, and the consequences of going off the road there would have been disastrous, and; 2) There are 2 ways from our location in to Alberta and both were closed at the time. So instead of our animals being stuck on the truck, they were just stuck in our yard for a couple more days.

So partner #1 heads out there in one of our vehicles to see if he can help the trucker get unstuck and ends up calling a little while later to see if we can bring him some tools. Our second vehicle, although 4-wheel drive, still didn't have snow tires on (mostly due to my laziness and our lack of funds at the time). But the tires it did have on were still all seasons and pretty good, though not the best. So I have to venture out and brave the storm in my inadequate vehicle, never daring to go over 50 km/h. Here's a picture to show you how great it was.
To the snow's credit, it was quite beautiful. 

It took me about twice as long to make the trip. I slid several times and saw 2 other vehicles in the ditch. 
when I finally caught up to them on the hill, they had the chains on the tires of our minivan and they were still having trouble navigating the hill! 

In any case, they got the truck unstuck, but decided it would be suicide to drive the hill, so we took the trucker home with us! His name was Bruno and he was really quite nice. Because the storm just kept bloody going, the passes never opened, and our power was out for so long, Bruno ended up staying with us for over 2 days! The whole time we were giggling to ourselves and wondering what he must think of our family since we offered 0 explanation and just operated as we normally would. 

During his 1st night with us, while getting to know each other, we found out that Bruno is from Switzerland and used to live and work as a chef in Nakusp, BC, which is a very small and beautiful town in the Kootneys that just so happens to be home to much of my extended family. So I asked Bruno if he knew of my 2nd cousin (Aunt? Once/twice removed?) Barbie who owns a prolific camp ground in the area, and he responds with "Yeah I know of her. Apparently her and I are very distantly related somehow". So it turns out this utter stranger from Switzerland,  who just so happens to be stranded while hauling my partners cows is somehow, in some very convoluted way, a relative of mine! It was the weirdest coincidence I have ever experienced in my life! 

I ended up calling up my Grandfather to tell him about it. He got a good chuckle out of it and said he would call up his sister to ask her if she knew anything about Bruno from Schweiz. So far I haven't gotten a response from him. But we heard from Bruno a couple times. He let us know that he made it to Alberta in one piece and to thank us for our hospitality, which made me wonder yet again, what his impressions were of my family lol.

Otherwise the last month has been a whirlwind of cattle liners, cows, airplanes (I went to Vancouver Island), and Christmas shopping! By the way Christmas shopping when you have a family of 8 is insanity! Stockings alone are so involved! I mean.... I don't know anything about stockings.... That's Santa's job....

Also I took this picture of a horse....

 

Thursday 13 November 2014

Preg Checking

So you may be wondering what Preg Checking is. I'm not. I know what it is. Consider yourself lucky to be ignorant.

Just a heads up, this post is maybe not my most PG, so if you're easily grossed out by things, or if you're my Grandmother, you should maybe not read this one....

In the spring after all the calves have been born, the bulls are reintroduced to the cow herd and the whole throng is turned out to pasture (oooh listen to me! Practically a natural!) for the summer, to eat, breed, and fatten up. Tis the life. Come fall, when everyone is getting ready to sell, they gather their herds back up, to, I don't know, evaluate? (maybe not quite a natural...) their stock and see who or what they want to sell. This includes preg checking, which if you haven't guessed, is checking to see who is pregnant. Then you typically sell the "empty" or "dry" ones and decide what you want to do with the preggos.

It's the process of preg checking that I want to share with you. Ladies, if you have ever been pregnant you may sympathize with these poor beasts. The veterinarian showed up in the morning in full regalia, I'm talking head-to-toe plastic covering and a shoulder length plastic gloves. Now typically, as I understand it, a vet checks a cow by palpating (feeling) for a specific vein which when enlarged indicates she is pregnant. Or if she is far enough along the vet may also feel the fetus itself. But the vet we hired has a super cool, albeit cringe inducing, portable ultrasound machine. It's basically a 3 foot long (for lack of a better word) dildo attached to a battery containing backpack. It's super interesting! And he had this special goggles that float just above his eyes that allow him to see whats going on inside, while not losing visualization of the outside world.

So basically, we round up all the cows, sort them cows from calves into a corral, which funnels into a chute, which ends in a 'squeeze' and we just start pushing them through the line, one after the other. And assembly line style, the vet inserts the giant dildo and checks to see if there is a calfer. If there is none, he spray paints a big ole' O on her back for Open, and if it is inconclusive, he sprays a dot and we have to stop her in the 'squeeze' to enable the Doc to get in behind her for manual palpation.... I'm cringing just remembering.

To be completely honest, I am not even sure which ... ahum... "entrance" the doctor used for all this... It's a little hard to tell, and one thing I learned about cows is that it doesn't matter what you're doing with them, there is going to be a lot of poop involved....

And then the cows walk off as if nothing happened!! As if this kind of thing happens to them all the time!! To a complete newbie its a disorienting whirlwind of noise, and poop, and disconcerting indifference.

So that is preg checking. I am sorry if I have marred your sensibilities. To some it's just another day on the ranch. For me it begs the question "Is this really my life now?"


Monday 3 November 2014

It's a Redneck Halloween!

So it was our first Halloween at the ranch this year! And we received an invitation to go to a Halloween party and potluck with "tailgate trick-or-treating" at the local community hall! The other option would be to drive an hour to town with a tired baby and 3 sugar high kids to go trick-or-treating, so we voted on community hall. Despite having been here for over 10 months, I still haven't really met anyone, aside from our closest neighbour, my esthetician, and my tattoo lady.... So I wanted to go also as a sort of coming out, meet the neighbours, let them know who I am thing. Plus, the invitation said "tailgates drop at 6 pm.", and it was so nauseatingly redneck, I couldn't pass it up!

The kids were suitably adorable. Oliver was a red dragon, Silas a military man (or a warrior, as he says), and Isabella was a pirate, complete with mustache tattoos.



Getting there was an adventure in itself. From about October to June our area of the Caribou is just riddled with deer. I mean all over the place. In the winter we make a game out of counting how many deer we see in a trip. The record so far is 182. It wasn't nearly as bad as that, but you really have to keep your eyes open. The babies, too, they don't really know what they are doing yet, so you come across one of them and they just run down the center line for a while, like the victim in a bad action movie.

Anyways, we got there without incident, but realized we had forgotten the babies costume. She was supposed to be an owl, and looked adorable, but she rejected it immediately in the dress rehearsal so I guess it really wasn't that great a loss. The parking lot had maybe 15 vehicles in it, tailgates facing out and decorated. We brought all 7 of our carved pumpkins and set them up as a sort of lit runway to the back of our van. Not too many tailgates, but plenty of kids, which was great. Everyone got to go trick-or-treating round 2 and really score.

The community hall, I learned, was just reopened this year after 24 years out of commission. So really, from the road, it just looks like an old run down barn, and inside it's... much the same, but it added to the ambiance! The organizers decorated the basement as a haunted house, which was really cool! And my kids totally surprised me by loving it! The best part was when someone moved a box in the haunted house and a real pack rat when scurrying away! So authentic!

I met several people, most of whom I forget their names. I remember saying at one point, that I was having trouble keeping people straight because of all the camouflage gear around... No joke, every 3rd person or so, was in a camouflage something. I really should have taken a picture. Silas, in his head-to-toe camo didn't even look like he was in a costume....

It was really really enjoyable. The kids had a tonne of fun.  I think my daughter may have a crush on one of our neighbour's boys. At one point I just glanced over to them sitting together and she gave me a "Don't look at me! This is not what you think it is!" kind of look. Pretty cute, and terrifying.

I'm hoping next year will be even bigger. More tailgates, more kids. Maybe this time next year I will even know a few people! Maybe I will have even rightly assimilated and I'll have a camouflage jacket of my own!










Tuesday 28 October 2014

"Where are we going? And why are we in a hand basket?"

So Partner #1 left again and the whole ranch went to heck! Figures. He was down south again, this time for a gun course and to go chucker hunting.... If you don't know what this is, don't ask me because I don't really know either. I know it involves birds and a lot of hiking.

He laid out hay ahead of time so all of the animals would be content (yeah right) and took a dog so we would have less dogs to take care of, so basically all we had to do was make sure nothing died. And we managed that, nothing died. Although that llama is close.

So problem #1 arises in the form of escaped cows and downed fence at some land we lease up the road. Partner #2 has to head up there by herself to take care of this because baby is sleeping and one of us needs to stay home. The funny thing about livestock is they will cross an electric fence that is laying on the ground to get to the perceived "grass is greener" other side of said fence, but when you try to chase them back over the way they came, it all of a sudden becomes the scariest damn downed fence they ever saw!! So how does 1 person force a 1500 lb stubborn piece of beef over the fence again? Luckily for us, Partner #2 is smart. The remaining cows, who we will refer to as "The Good Ones", figured that Partner #2 was there to give them something awesome, so they followed her around like gigantic puppies. So she led them to the far side of the field, away from the renegade cow, who very quickly got lonely, or thought she was missing out on something great, and led herself back over the scariest damn downed fence it ever saw!. Brilliant.

Fence repaired. Crises averted.

Problem #2. I kind of took over feeding and walking dogs while Partner #1 is gone. Amazingly everything was going great this time. I developed a system that worked well, and no one ran away on me! It was like a Christmas miracle! At one point, I went out to go feed our new sheep dog, the one we picked up on our trip to Edmonton (Read it here The Impromptu Edmonton Trip), and I noticed that his face was a little beat up. Since everything had been going so well with the other dogs, I knew it wasn't one of them who snuck in there to be a jerk. So my only conclusion was the llama. If you saw his face you would understand that this conclusion is sound! At one point while I was crouched down pouring the food, he just waltz up behind me and stuck his face in the dish and started eating it! So I'm pretty sure the poor dog got hurt just trying to defend his food. And in some ways, that's an unfortunate sign of a good sheep dog. You don't want him hurting his flock in any way. The sheep will steal his food too, given the chance! Complete vegetarians, but they will scarf a bowl full of dog food with lamb chunks in it! I guess they are herbivores until they are cannibals.

Side note, did you know chickens will do that? If you throw too many meat-based scraps in to them they will eventually start to kill and eat each other?! Same with egg shells. If you don't crush the shells up to be unrecognizable, they will start to eat their own eggs! It's messed up. I guess that could be expected from dinosaur descendants....

Problem #3 is a fun one! I actually wish I had my camera for it. All the horses got out. Again it was a downed fence scenario. This time at least there was two of us to try to herd them back over the ultra scary fence. It didn't work, however. We managed to get them all in a group and started to push them toward the fence, but they panicked and turned around and ran back. We did this twice and gave up. The second time we even rolled up a section of the fence so they wouldn't even have to step over it, but nope. They were not going back for nothing. In any case, a herd of possibly panicked, galloping horses is really pretty.

Problem #4, the cows got out again. This time 3 cows and a calf and they were out on the road, which in itself isn't such a big deal around here, since people graze their animals on the roadside, but still, it was a problem that needed to be fixed. This time we loaded all the kids up and both of us went to try to get these cows back. Half way there (its at least a 20 minute drive) we get a text saying that the land owners chased 2 back in for us and the other 2 were in a neighbor's field and were welcome to stay there until the next day when Partner #1 would be home and could go get them. Still we had to go check things out, check fences, and make sure everything was kosher. Everything was fine, the good ones seemed happy and content, so we loaded up again and went home.

Partner #1 came home a couple hours after problem #4 was resolved and that was it. His problem now. In some ways it's exciting, having all this new stuff to do. But mostly it's just a pain in the butt.

Sometimes I find it so hard to believe that this is my life now...



More things I have learned since moving to the ranch:
12) A llama will make a hilarious face if you hit him with a pot. Also, they are creepier than heck and the threat of being spit on is terrifying.
13) All your efforts to keep a nice, clean, presentable front yard will be completely undone when you let a couple of cows roam free.
14) Snow in October is apparently perfectly normal, and I should just get used to it.



Monday 20 October 2014

Fall on the Ranch

Oh my gosh it's Fall! 

I think this is one of the first times in my adult life where I have been in a position to actually enjoy fall. Fall is the "precursor to winter and winter is the devil" (a wise woman said that one... recently). Winter is the worst thing that ever recurrently happens to me.Usually I'm stressing about heating bills, and winter tires I can't afford, and driving in the snow, and vitamin D deprivation, and seasonal depression, and having to wear more clothes then I'm comfortable with, and going to work and coming home in the dark, and Christmas concerts I might have to miss, and out-grown snowsuits I can't afford to replace, etc. You get the point. This is what Fall used to mean to me.  

But this year!! THIS year I still have those things to think about, but not to worry about! Why? Because I'm no longer a single mom, I no longer have to bear the brunt of ALL expenses, and any stresses I have are counteracted by cuddles, which I get lots of now. Yay me! 

However, on the ranch, Fall is like crunch time. All projects wrap up. This is the time of year that all ranchers work for. It's pay day! Well pay... month? Anyways, this is the time when everyone is getting all their ducks in a row, stock piling hay for the winter, bringing the cows in from range, sorting off the cattle (ones you keep from the ones you sell), getting trucks in order to take your sale cows to auction, all that fun stuff. Except in our world, its multiplied because we also have sheep, and to a lesser extent horses. PLUS we have our 200+ herd divided in two locations some 436 km apart. It's so much fun. 

My partners to do list over the next 3-4 weeks includes: Go to Merritt, get cows organized to ship back to Quesnel.  Get back home. Go back to Merritt, get cows loaded on truck. Drive home, immediately sort sale-cows from keep-cows. Load sale-cows on truck. Go to sale. Somewhere in there, load up and take wool to Edmonton. Explore possibility of making this a family affair. Sort sale horses, get them to Alberta.  Sort sheep, get them to Calgary. Also, explore the possibility of making this a family trip. Toss in a birthday party, Remembrance Day, Halloween, and a gun course 3 hours from home.

Don't forget to breathe. I wonder is we're going to see him at any point over the next weeks?

For Partner #2 and I, and the kids, Fall will be much the same as any other time of the year. Except that we may have to assist in some sorting shenanigans. It is Isabella's birthday on Friday! I am so excited for her. Everyone else in this house has had a birthday and she has had to watch and wait 10 months for hers to come. Isabella decided that for her birthday she wanted a "girls day", so her, Partner #2, and I are all going to the salon to get our hair done. Its going to be great! I love an excuse to spend money on vanity!

Anyways, this year I am looking forward to being able to relax and enjoy the season. I have decided to become a chai tea junky as the weather gets colder, and Partner #2 will start baking almost weekly! It's the perfect combination. Plus I've really been enjoying taking pictures. So I'm just going to leave you off with some pictures of what we've been up to this fall. 


 Fog across the river.

Baking season! 

Crazy hair day!








Our turkey veggie tray

Our Thanksgiving thankful tree


Gringo doing his best Blue Steel impression



Saturday 18 October 2014

Suffering the Fools (The Rant Edition)

"I won't suffer anyone who can't at least attempt to be open minded. The world isn't black and white, and everyone experiences a different reality. Who are we to say what is right or wrong for someone else?"

You know, I loved my life in the city. We were just talking about how Canada Post is going to end door-to-door mail service starting next month, and I was sad, because I remember how awesome and convenient that was! You don't realize the things you take for granted until they are no longer available. Want to know what else I took for granted? Having a damn good sushi restaurant just blocks from my door. Starbucks!! Chapters book stores (Can you believe there is no Chapters near me for hundreds of kilometers?!). Pizza delivery, or ANY food delivery. Reliable internet service.

Is it sad that 3 out of the things I listed were about food?

Moving here was a huge decision, in so many ways. I would say it was one of the biggest decisions of my life. I planned, I debated, I agonized over it. Do I give up a job I enjoy? Do I give up a life I fought hard to build? Do I begin again in a lifestyle in which I am so incredibly clueless? What about my daughter? Pull her out of public school? Move her away from the city? Will she be happier in a new setting?

No one can say that I made my decision on a whim.

Since moving here, since becoming more or less open about our family structure, the negativity we have had to endure has been astronomical. It is absurd how anyone can think that their personal (often misguided) opinions should be considered, much less be a contributing factor, in someone else's decisions for their life!

On the flip-side, we have had so many wonderful affirmations from so many unexpected sources. And to those who supported me in my decision, I am eternally grateful.

I asked a particularly nasty naysayer to give me one reason that my decision was somehow wrong, one reason that was 100% original thought, not influenced by culture, society, or religion, etc. And you know, the only one he could give me was that I was being "selfish".

Yes, I did give up a job I enjoyed. Also my career path in that job was practically laid out and paved in gold for me. However, I was still making peanuts, and struggling daily to make my bills.

Yes, I was uprooting from a life I had worked hard to build. I worked really goddamn hard to get where I was. But I was still struggling. And Isabella was suffering.

Yes, Isabella was enrolled in a good school, french immersion, conveniently just around the corner from our house. But she hated it. She asked me almost every morning if she really had to go to school that day. Her teachers were starting to whisper about dyslexia, and she didn't get along with any of her class mates. She hated it, and I hated sending her there because of it.

Not to mention that single parenting is really, really, really, really, really hard. Especially when you are thrown into it at a very young age. Even more so when you have an ex who seems to thrive off watching you struggle. I was breaking. Isabella was out of control. This life that I had fought so hard for was crumbling at the foundation.

Reading that list above, it almost seems like a no-brainer to have started over, but I am prideful, I am stubborn, and I am fiercely independent. Giving up my life meant that I would have to concede, to trust, and to rely on someone else, and oh boy! did it rankle. Completely goes against the grain of the tough exterior I carefully constructed over the years.

Ultimately, I chose to start again. I chose to give my daughter a fresh start in a place where she could express her self, be crazy, and be nurtured. Where she could run around, and be a kid, and benefit from having multiple parents who care for her well being.

I chose to exchange my struggles and stresses for a new and different set of struggles and stresses! The difference is, now I have the support of people who love and care deeply for me. The stuff that seemed insurmountable before has suddenly become manageable.

Through all of this though, we really discovered who was there for us. So many surprises. Family I have hardly talked to, much less seen, in decades came forward in support. High school friends, strangers on the internet.

So yes, I do miss my old life. But I miss it like I miss a good dream. I miss not having to hike over a kilometer to get my mail, I miss lattes, and pizza someone else cooked for me. But I love that I get to spend time with my daughter throughout the day, I love that I get to be there when she is having a hard time. I love that she is getting a quality education, with a teacher who is in tune with her, and that she is actually enjoying learning! I love that I get to explore the woods and the rivers without having to drive out of town first. I love that I get to watch the horses goof around out my office window. I love that I get to stay at home and take care of my family while also being able to work and contribute to the family unit. I may not be autonomous any longer, but I haven't felt trapped the way I have in the past. I love that I get to curl up on the couch at night, surrounded by the love and support of both my partners.

Perhaps it was selfish. Perhaps I should have stayed in the city, in our little 4-plex, scraping by, struggling to pay our bills, struggling with a daughter who had no one consistent person in her life.

But I don't think so.

I wouldn't chose for a second to go back to the way things were. And one day I hope the people who have chosen to remove themselves from our  life will recognize that.




Thursday 16 October 2014

The Impromptu Edmonton Trip

I was going insane. Cabin fever. Very The Shining-esque, except without the murder. So Partner #1 very (very) graciously offered to stay home with all 4 kids, while Partner #2 and I went on a mini vacation to Edmonton, AB.

It was glorious.

When you are not thinking about the fact that its a 10 hour drive and you just spend the time engulfed in deep conversation, enjoying the quiet, while taking in the beautiful fall scenery, it's like heaven. If ever you get a chance to travel through Jasper National Park in the fall, I highly recommend it. It's absolutely gorgeous. And I'm not much of a fall person. To me, fall is just the precursor to winter. And winter is the Devil. But check out this amazing picture of Mount Robson!



So we got up on day 1 even before the kids were up, which is a sure sign that it is way too early. We had only just told the kids that we were leaving as they were headed to bed the night before, so getting out the door was a gauntlet of "Don't go!" and iron grip hugs. First stop - Tim Hortons! As we were leaving the coffee shop, pipping hot cup of salvation in hand, I reached into my purse to get the keys and realized that I also had the only set of van keys.... The van being the vehicle we left with Partner #1 in case of emergency trips to the hospital. Awesome.

After an unnecessarily long phone conversation riddled with guilt and apologies, we're on our way! After this point it got rather pleasant. It was a beautiful clear fall day and we were driving through the "Wildlife Corridor". I know this because there were signs every couple of kilometers warning me about all of the animals I would see and most likely hit with my car along this stretch of highway. I saw no animals. Still the scenery was spectacular.

Partner #2 had read a book last year called The Mighty Fraser which recounted the history of the Fraser starting from its source in the Rocky Mountains. So as we were driving along she was regaling me with history of the river we were following. As well as educating me in geology (what the kids are studying in school right now), and explaining the mountain formations as we drove through Mount Robson and Jasper park. I can't even make fun of her for being such a nerd because I found it quite interesting too. Then we tried to envision what a similar trip with the kids would look like... It caused me so much anxiety I had to change the subject.

Getting to the hotel was fun. When I had booked our room, the guy on the phone had told me it was a 6 minute walk to the world's biggest mall.... We drove about 15 minutes past the world's biggest mall. So that was nice.

When we checked in, I misunderstood the directions the front desk lady gave me and thought we were in the North tower. The elevators are covered in signs that say they are on the fritz, so we try the button and low and behold they open, but we don't really want to step foot in there. The walls were chipped, the carpets stained, and it just reeked of smoke. But whatever, it was a cheap room, what did I expect? We get up to our floor and have this surreal moment where it feels like we have stepped on to the set of a CSI episode.... I felt like I should be using a UV light on all the stains that were everywhere. How about we don't touch the walls, or the buttons, or the door knobs, maybe just hold your breath while your at it.

Luckily we didn't find out room and concluded we must be in the wrong tower. Please Jesus, let us be in the wrong tower. Proceed back to the elevator. When I pushed the lobby button, the elevator wouldn't respond. At all. So we decided to go down to the 2nd floor and take the stairs the rest of the way (our bags were very heavy, don't judge!). So we head down the stairs, there is no way to the lobby via the stairs!! Are you kidding me?! I am so frustrated at this point. I did not drive 10 hours to put up with this crap.

We finally make it to our actual floor in the right tower, and sigh in relief. Its so much better and not whiff of smoke anywhere. I actually felt kind of bad. We figured the North tower must be the smoking tower and it seemed mean, like the hotel was punishing the smokers with the threat of communicable disease by putting them in that tower. Not that I'm condoning smoking, it's disgusting, but I don't know if biological warfare is the best way to convince people to quit....

We spent the entire next day at the mall. I mean all day. I think we got back to our hotel room at 8:30 p.m. Everyone we wanted to visit while we were in Edmonton, we made them meet us at the mall. It was pretty great. Partner #2's good friend just happened to be taking a course in town, so we got to see her, as well as my little bro who lives there. We didn't exactly have a lot of extra cash to spend, so we didn't buy ourselves anything, we just hung out. Like the much classier, and better looking, version of Mall Rats. We did however purchase all the kids new "town coats". We have winter coats that are only to be worn on the ranch and coats that are only to be worn in town, and since the kids had out grown last years, we decided to take the opportunity to get them some nice ones while taking advantage of the lower taxation Alberta has.

The next day we had a little bit of a slow start, but we got up and met my lovely cousin, who was coincidentally also visiting, for coffee. And then we headed home. That was it. We did make a little detour to pick up a sheep dog closer to the border, but that is hardly worth mentioning. He simply laid down in the back and didn't make a single sound the entire way home... it was like he wasn't even there.

We got home around 10:30- 11:00 that night, and it was such a relief. The drive home always seems longer than the drive there.

I was so grateful for this trip, so grateful to Partner #1 who suggested and facilitated it. Grateful for Partner #2 for joining me. I came home feeling almost refreshed. More like I wasn't going to go all Alfred Hitchcock, anyways. But you know what the best part of this whole trip was? Caesars. I l-o-v-e a good caesar, and without kids around, I was able to have at least 1 with every meal. It was glorious. My little brother, who is a bartender, even took us to his place of work and taught me how to make a proper one. Problem is now that I'm home, I realize that I need the ingredients to make a caesar.... And now I'm broke.




Monday 6 October 2014

When Roosters Attack!

That rooster is a dead man!!

As I have mentioned before, we accidentally acquired a rooster, who is, to say it kindly, and a--hole! Not only does he have a warped sense of time, and crows at all hours, he now apparently fancies himself a fighting cock. That's right, the bastard attacked me! (I resolved when I started this blog not to swear, but gosh darn it, its getting hard!)

I went outside with the baby, as is my normal routine around lunch time, and we decided to check on the chickens, see if there were any new eggs. I noticed an egg and also that they didn't have any food or water so I reached in to grab the egg and water thing, and the damn rooster jumped up and latched himself onto my finger! I've got the marks to prove it! To make it worse, I had the new egg in the hand he bit, and I reflexively clenched my hand, and crushed the egg all over me! I retaliated by throwing his crushed offspring embryo back at him, but the damage was done! I was mad.

As you can tell, I am still in shock. How many people can say they were attacked by a rooster?!

Do roosters have a musk period, you know like elephants? Or is he just growing up and into his new role as chief a--hole? Is he going to be like this always now? Or is this a phase? Poultry PMS?

I suppose with everything that has gone on with the poor chickens, multiple dog attacks, plus child-related "mishaps", he has legitimate reason to try to protect his harem. But you know what buddy!? If you don't let me in there, your harems going to Die! Then who you going to protect?! Huh?!

After The Great Chicken Fiasco (read it here http://monogamyisformanhattan.blogspot.ca/2014/09/the-great-chicken-fiasco.html), the kids are going to likely be hesitant to "off" another chicken. Even if he is a jerk. But it's their responsibility to feed and water the chickens everyday, so not that I'm hoping they will get hurt, but I'm hoping they will get fed up with trying to avoid an territorial chicken mcnugget with an inflated ego, enough that they will concede (hopefully soon) to introducing the rooster to our kitchen table. 

Revenge is best served cold? Revenge is best served roasted and seasoned to perfection, with a side of potatoes.

Bastard.

Thursday 2 October 2014

A day in the life of

I've had a recent request for a "Day in the life of" post. It's quite long, I apologize. Also, I wrote this early this last summer and then never posted it, so some things seem a little skewed.

5:30am - Partner #2 gets up before the kids so she can get some quiet wake up time sans kids and their demands, and noise, and smells, and questionable eating habits. Plus she's a totally geek and studies Latin in the morning.

6:30am - Kids are allowed up. Commence chaos.

8:00am - Partner #1 and I are supposed to be up at this point... Neither of us are morning people. The fact that coffee is usually ready and waiting for us helps immensely. At this point the kids are kicked downstairs to the playroom or outside for Coffee Break! The first half is devoted to Facebook, emails, and other online activities, but 8:30 is when all devices are shut down and we have actual adult conversation.

9:00am - Work time.... supposedly. I go to my office and usually continue Facebooking where I left off for another half hour or so. Partner #2 answers children's demands that have built up over the last hour, or goes outside for some gardening, sometimes a combination of both. Partner #1 also reopens his ipad and watches youtube videos for another couple hours... I'm not even kidding. (Although to his credit, its most often work related)

11:00am - At this point in the school year, I would take the baby and entertain her until lunch time, however it's summer. I may come out for some breakfast. Partner #1 will come into the office to say bye for the day and maybe fill me in on all the youtube he watched.

12:00pm - 1:00pm - Baby usually goes down for a nap at some point in here. The kids are kicked outside threatened on pain of death! if they come in and wake the baby! Partner #2 and I sometimes get some r&r at this point. She is studying Don Quixote, so she may read that while I read one of the maybe 10 books I've got going on at one time. Or I walk my moronic (I love him so much!) dog, Jackson.

1:00pm - 4:00pm - Within this time a variety of things could take place. Often for me this is usually project, or fall asleep on the couch time. This is when I have time to work on a small project, like installing the hooks for those hanging baskets I bought several months ago.... Or chip away at the mountain of laundry that never ever goes down, or work on this blog! Partner #2 may do some summer school with the kids or she works on and researches plans for the upcoming year. Occasionally we'll go for a walk to the mailboxes, because snail mail around here is a big deal!

Also during this time, we have "quiet time". Being a home school family, our kids are around each other 24 freaking 7, and we are around the kids all the time. Especially Partner #2. So we have quiet time. This is when all members of the family, adults included, go to their own separate areas of the house and do our own thing. We have a special closet chock-full of toys specifically for quiet time, to keep things exciting. We also just want to encourage the ability to play by themselves. We want them to realize that they don't always have to be together, that they can have fun using their own imaginations. It's a magical time.

Partner #1 is usually in and out of the house in this time, eating, making phone calls, etc.

4:00pm - This is when I do dishes. When I first moved in, the everyday mess our family of 7 made was more than I could handle, so I was cleaning constantly and doing the dishes 3 - 4 times a day, just to keep myself sane. I finally had to say enough. I made the one side of the kitchen counter for dirty dishes only. No where else are dishes allowed. And the kids have to clear their own dishes off the table.

ALSO (parents take note!) we started packing lunches. Crazy, I know, to do this in the summer, but oh lord, it has been like a miracle. The kids typically get snack, lunch, and then another snack everyday. And before it was almost every hour "Mom, is it snack time? When is lunch time? Whats are we eating? Oh I don't like that". Plus the dishes! God and the mess and time preparing 5 bloody meals everyday! Now, we pack a couple of lunch containers for each kid the night before and that is their food for the day. They eat whenever they want, but that's it. No more dishes, SO much less mess, no more harassing! Its glorious!

5:00pm - This is magic time for the kids. It's screen time, the kids are allowed to watch T.V. We have so much around us outside, plus a giant playroom that we think the kids shouldn't be sitting in front of the T.V all day. So they get this hour or so to watch T.V while one of us makes dinner. The problem with this, is that we've totally put television up on a pedestal accidentally. Screens almost have this mystical quality now. But, it gives whoever is making dinner some measure of calm. While one parent is doing that, one of the others is bathing the baby. Its really quite nice.

6:00pm - 7:00pm - Dinner, dinner, dinner!

7:00pm - The kids start getting ready for bed. We alternate bath nights, boys and girls. So the kids get a bath at least every second day. With the amount they play outside often they need a quick hose down on their off nights anyways. The whole getting-kids-to-bed process tends to take a long time. While Partner #2 puts the baby to sleep, the other 3 are left to take care of their teeth (floss THEN brush!), put on their jam-jams, and get into bed to await story time. With 3 kids packed into one bathroom, not a lot seems to get done.

7:30pm - Moms are off duty. That means if you arn't done and in bed, there is no story time. There is usually at least one kid straggling behind. Partner #1, if he is home from work yet, goes in after us to snuggle and catch up on everyone's day. Often he falls asleep with them.

8:00pm - Decompress. Breathe. Our life is just go, go, go. There is always something to do, always something pressing. Often there are activities that throw a wrench in all the best laid plans, typically ranch business. This 8pm time is our time to destress. More then often we all sit together on the couch and talk, talk about our day, talk about the future, talk about us. Often we multitask and use this time to pursue our hobbies, while we catch up with each other. I've taken to visiting the horses at night or hanging out with my dog. Sometimes we all go walk dogs together, which sometimes leads to a stroll through the sheep pen, or up to the ponds. Or if we get at it early enough we'll rent a movie or a show.

10:00pm - Bedtime usually. For Partner #2 and I, anyways. We've all come to terms with the fact that if I don't get 8 - 10 hours of sleep each night, I'm a terrible person. Partner #2 gets up at 5:30 so it makes sense that she goes to bed at this time. Partner #1 often stays up till midnight or later watching T.V or whatever. His responsibilities with the ranch and whatnot are weighty and he tends to need more time to decompress than we do.

Alternate Endings!
1. It's not the summer, it's the school year. Things look a lot different. This year they will look a lot different from last year as well. For starters, coffee break ends promptly at 9:00am, and school starts. Snack and lunch time are scheduled and have a loose time limit. Last year at 11:00, was my time to take the baby during that last hour before lunch. Once lunch was over, school was more or less over for the day, the kids get kicked outside, baby naps, and quiet time is daily, without fail. Often there is a little science or history in the afternoon.

2. Town days, this all goes to heck. On town days you can disregard everything from 9:00am to 6:00pm. Living so far out of town, you can't just whip in if you forgot coffee cream, or if the garbage needs emptying, so town days are a full-day, activity packed event. Usually the morning before we leave is spent loading up the van with recycling, garbage, library books, and whatever else we may need to get accomplished that day. Somewhere in the chaos, someone will pack snacks, water bottles, and the diaper bag. Loading up the kids is a gong-show. They are allowed 1 toy per hand. When they grow a 3rd hand, they can have a 3rd toy. I suppose this rule would have to be tweaked if one of our kids lost a hand....

If we don't get home by 5:00pm, there is usually some bemoaning about missing screen time. It's usually chaos by the time we get home, trying to get dinner started, while unloading a van full or groceries and treasures, cajoling kids into cleaning up their spaces in the van, as well as enlisting their help unloading while listening to them whine about missing screen time, all while trying to get the baby bathed and fed, so she can get to bed, and we can get the groceries put away.

3. Sundays! During the school year, Sunday is the day off. Very minimal school, if any, ended off with family movie night and a popcorn and veggie tray dinner. Its really quite nice.

4. Ranch business. If something comes up on the ranch that requires the efforts of more than just Partner #1, Partner #2 and I are automatically enlisted. Often it has to do with sorting cattle in a tight, sh** filled pen. (The first time I did this by the way, I unwittingly wore runners. I had to throw them out). Recently, I helped sheer sheep. That was an education. Or simply the whole family, kids and all, act as a human wall while directing cows or sheep from one field to another.

And that's it. Totally normal.... Right? Completely like everyone else's life.

Friday 26 September 2014

The Great Chicken Fiasco...

So we bought chickens some months ago now, as you may know. Courtesy of Partner #1, they live in what is known as a "Chicken Tractor". Basically, it is a chicken coop on wheels. Pros: Chickens get fresh ground every couple days, which means fresh vegetation, fresh supply of insects, better sanitation. Cons: You have to physically move a chicken coop every couple days, even if it is a relatively small chicken coop. Also a con, our chicken tractor doesn't have wheels yet.... We have the wheels, and all the hardware to attach them, we just haven't had the time to get around to it. So what we have is a dolly tucked under one side, so when it comes time to move the tractor, one person handles the dolly, and one person shoves from the opposite side. What you end up with is a shufflely kind of inch-by-inch walk, while the chickens try desperately to stay out of the way and not get run over.



When we got the chickens the kids were beyond excited! They named every one of them. And when they found out that Picky was actually a boy, they were thrilled at the possibility of baby chickens in the future (if the cock-a-doodling bastard lives that long...). So we made it part of their daily chores to feed and water the chicken, and collect the eggs each morning. At first all three of them enthusiastically did it, then it dwindled down to only Silas, our most nurturing of our 4 children, but eventually his enthusiasm faded as well, and now the kids alternate week-to-week who is on chicken duty.

This week was my lovely daughters first time "flying solo" (pardon the pun) and its enough to make me want to *expletive*. She does not seem to understand that these animals depend on her for survival. It's an important lesson, and I know that I should be looking at this as some amazing opportunity to teach her responsibility not only as a child of this family, but also as a human being, but its hard to talk through fiercely clenched teeth...

But that's not the point of my story! It is simply a little insight into the circumstances surrounding the unfortunate events of what will forever be known as The Great Chicken Fiasco.

She left the door open.

The door to the coop was open and 3 of the chickens escaped. This is not normally a big deal, its happened before, and all the dogs were put away, so no problem! Except this day we sent the children out to catch the chickens by themselves for the first time. Now generally they hover around the coop, they know once they are inside they are safe, and all these loud little humans will cease chasing them, so we developed a method that works pretty well: Heard the chickens towards the coop, while someone uses the dolly to prop the coop up. The chickens run right under it to safety! Beauty! Or at least it is when its adults manning the equipment...

During one of these maneuvers, a chicken who was safely inside decided the grass was greener and tried to escape. Child (who shall remain nameless for the sake of protecting the guilty), in a panic, dropped the dolly down, therefore dropping the coop on the poor chickens head! Now I'm sure you've heard that little farm-style urban legend that chickens run around even after they have been decapitated? Well it's true, and its also true when they have had their poor necks broken.

So while the chicken is frantically running around, we've got 3 howling youngsters who are, I'm sure, now traumatized for life. And they are all feeding off each other! Number 1 starts howling, and then number 2 starts howling a little louder, and then number 3 starts howling a little louder than that. I don't think it would have been bad if it had only been 1, but holy dina! Try calming down an 8, 7, and 5 year old after that?! In hindsight, we should have separated them all, and comforted them individually. But what can you do?

Eventually the kids collected themselves. The other chickens were caught and returned safely, and then there was the question of what to do with the dead chicken? The kids wanted to have a funeral, draw pictures and send good thoughts to the chicken in chicken after life. But we live on a ranch. You don't waste good meat! That's a perfectly good chicken right there!

So it took some convincing, a little cultural education on honoring the sacrifice of what you've killed, (and even a brief touch on cannibalism...), but we convinced the kids that the best thing to do would be to eat the chicken and bury her feathers in memorial. I think the deciding factor was the offer to invite our neighbors over for dinner to share in the honoring of the chicken. They did accidentally hit and kill a moose and invite us over for a giant moose BBQ, after all.  Got to return the kindness...

The moral of my story is, if you live on a farm/ranch, and you have chickens in a chicken tractor, don't let you children wrangle up the escapees unsupervised, or you may end up inviting your neighbors over for a reciprocatory, murdered-chicken dinner.





Thursday 25 September 2014

Blue Thunder

From what I understand, my partner has always been a unique individual. In the relatively short time that I have known him this has proven to be true. He likes to do things differently. Always. If there is an alternative way, that may seem a little obscure albeit has the potential to work better, he is probably going to do it that way. His brother has said "[Partner] would drive on the other side of the road if there were no lines!". Seems apt.

When it comes to ranching, his uniqueness translates to methods of practice that are occasionally shaking-of-the-head worthy. But he loves what he does and he wants to improve upon what he does to make it work more smoothly, be more cost effective, turn a higher profit, as well as be more environmentally friendly. As a city-goer I find his methods both entertaining and educational.

Case in point, "Blue Thunder". A 1980-something (who cares its ancient?) Mercury Topaz with a missing grill, one working headlight, no antenna, and questionable bio hazard status....This is his bombing around the ranch vehicle. Where most ranchers have a truck, or a quad, he has the blue car. But what the heck! It was free. And for the amount of beating this thing takes, it still runs! I begrudgingly admit that it works out pretty well for him, yet I still feel the need to inspect for spiders before I get in and wash my hands when I get out.

It is loaded to the ceiling with a wild arraignment of miscellaneous ranch equipment, such as: ropes, syringes, wrenches, fence posts, broken fence posts, fencing wire, binoculars, fly dope, fence testers, empty buckets, water bottles, latex gloves, coffee mugs, flashlights, drill bits, pliers, band castrators, a chewed up shoe, dirty rags, branding irons, dehorners, a full set of golf clubs?, and I'm betting on a 1/2 dozen Mick Dundee-esque knifes... you know, just in case.

Also it triples as a way to transport kids, dogs, and dead livestock.

Partner  "joked" about getting insurance put on it so that he could bomb to town or up the road. I told him that we may break up if he did that. That's not exactly true, but it adequately demonstrates the severity of my feelings toward this car. It's a good ranch car, for Partner, but it's not a vehicle to be seen in public in.... Its like the Uggs of the car world; sure its comfortable, but its ugly as hell, and you should be embarrassed.

Friday 29 August 2014

In Other News

So I've suspected for some time that my daughter likes to go to work with her new step dad more than she likes to admit. Perhaps out of some unfortunate loyalty to her biological father, she doesn't want anybody to think that she may enjoy spending time with an alternative father figure? (There is a lot of expansion that could be had here, but I'll refrain.)

In support of my suspects, Isabella came out recently saying that when she grows up she wants to be a hairdresser! BUT only until she is a teenager, then she wants to be a rancher." Internally I was patting myself on the back for being so intuitive and wise in reading my daughter. Externally, I smiled and asked questions about both drastically different career choices. I encouraged her to ask my partner to go to work with him more often. I think she may, but she may also be hesitant because that would mean that she enjoys spending time with him, which I believe she perceives as a betrayl. Hopefully with some support, and nurturing, and reassurance we can ease her out of that mentality.

Isabella has always been into horses, as most little girls inexplicably are, so one of the major appeals of moving here was that she would be surrounded by horses day and night and would hopefully be able to learn to ride. It's been a little difficult because of time restraints and serious lack of child-friendly equine available, but she has been able to go a few times, both just short recreational rides, and also work-related rides chasing cows. She loved chasing cows! She was over the moon excited about that, and now weeks later, still talks about how she wants to go again. Who knows! Maybe she will be a cowgirl when she grows up.


In other news, we recently discovered that one of the chickens we purchased a couple months ago is actually a rooster... And apparently he is going through poultry puberty, ie. he is learning to crow. Problem is he doesn't quite have the internal clock thing down, and therefore he crows at all hours of the day. This wouldn't be so bad except that he and his harem live just under our bedroom window. Needless to say he is not going to live long. I hear fresh-killed chicken tastes nothing like store bought chicken. I''m sure the taste of revenge will only sweeten it.

Partner #1 is gone again, this time only south for a few days, but that leaves us walking his dogs again. It's not so bad this time around. This time he took several with him, so we are down 4 dogs. The other night I learned walking cow dogs in the horse pasture after a few drinks is probably not the best idea... Lets say we discovered which of the dogs are ankle bitters, and one of the horses looks like he has leprosy.... interpret that how you will.

A cow and a bull who had both injured themselves early in the spring have found a hole in the fence where they were previously quarantined and are now in the field where we store our big round hay bales. This wouldn't be such a big deal if a) they had been handled at all over the last few months. As it is they figure they are wild cows now, and therefore kinda a-holes. And b) if partner #1 were here, we wouldn't be left trying to herd these two "wild a-holes" out of the bush with sticks, and a dog who has no idea what she it is we are asking her to do (And c) if I wasn't scared of cows....). In the process of all this partner #2 managed to get a rusty nail through the foot and two legs covered in stinging nettle. (In her words, "Who chases a bull in a skirt?!") As it stands, they will just have to stay there for a couple more days and wait until the boss man gets home. There shall be retribution!

Partner #1 moved our one horse Lewis to another pasture, which happened to be located right next to a small field where our resident studs reside. Lewis is boss horse, of all the horses, apparently, and the studs, Ese in particular, have felt the need to engage in some egregious posturing. It's provided quite a bit of entertainment for me. I've come to realize that horses who are playing tough guy, are just like dogs playing tough guy! They puff and snort at each other, pee all over the place, and bite each other. It's rather funny. Especially because Lewis doesn't seem to care one whit, he just nonchalantly strolls past, gets the studs riled up, and then walks away! He's so full of himself.

More things I've learned since moving to the ranch:
9) Seasonal allergies are not restricted to spring time!
10) Falls starts mid summer when you live up north.
11) "Cabin fever" is not just a concept for a horror movie. It's an actual, real thing!







Saturday 16 August 2014

The Shanty of Death!

So my partner's latest project has been to get the irrigation on our leased ranch working. This time last year it wasn't such a big deal, since we shipped all of our animals off the place. This year however, since we've chosen to stay here, it is obviously imperative that our animals have food so that they too, may one day follow in the foot steps of the livestock before them.... straight to the auction yard.

Anyhow, since we have a chunk of our herd down in Merrit at the moment, Partner spends a fair bit of time traveling back and forth checking on things down south. So he feels one of us needs to be able to handle things should the irrigation go postal and commit suicide while he is away. Circumstances surrounding the day he decided this, meant that I was the chosen one. I am the one he bequeaths the knowledge of the temperamental, finicky, (and might I mention, rather expensive!) irrigation system to. Really?! Me?! Did you not read the last blog post, Hun?

I honestly would like to understand, but like I said in my previous post, there are just somethings surrounding this ranch that I have given up trying to understand the inner workings of. I will in time, I'm sure, be adding the irrigation system to that list.

Step #1: A tour of the pipes and wheel thingys with the sprinklers on em.

If you did not know, grasshoppers enjoy dry grass. Imagine cruising through a couple hundred acres of dry grass with the windows open, because its hotter than Satan's toilette and this rust bucket ain't got no air conditioning, and thousands upon thousands of grasshoppers jumping to save their lives. Jumping in the windows and pelting you, and grasping on to your clothes with their sharp little pincers, and literally obstructing your view through the windshield, all so that you can go stand in the heat along side said grasshoppers and discuss why the water works some of the time.

Step #2: The pump house.

I can handle grasshoppers. In fact my little brother and I as kids used to collect buckets of them to see who could find the biggest one. Spiders on the other hand are a whole different story. Picture a hermit, living in a swamp. Picture what his shanty would look like, and you may have an idea of what the pump house here looks like. Its dark. Its moist because the pump leaks. It musty. And worst of all its crawling with spiders. Needless to say, I was not polite when I realized that partner was asking me to actually enter this torture chamber. I didn't, by the way. I learned everything I could by staying safely outside of the shanty, and nervously sweeping any twig, or stray hair, or dust mote, that landed on my persons.

When the pump stops working, apparently you need to "prime it"? This involves taking a wrench that could brain a a baby seal and unscrewing a giant bolt not too much!, but not too little! while simultaneously opening the shaky valve. Again, not too much! Because if you screw it right off, water will spew everywhere and, in a nut shell, you will ruin everything. Said valve by the way is shaky, as I said, so while water is running through it, it likes to vibrate its way shut again.... So step 1 is always check if that's the initial problem.

Some where towards the end of the multitude of steps (can you tell how closely I was listening?), once the pump is primed, you have to hit the power switch and start the pump up all over again. My partners advice? "This is a job you ONLY do with ONE hand. That way the electricity doesn't have a chance to travel across your chest". Ha haha ha? Oh your serious. Remember the moistness? The leaky pump in a small space? Pump house = death. On the plus side, if I did manage to electrocute myself, I'd probably take the whole works of spiders with me!

Step #3: Promptly forget everything.

Now, I really did try to listen and had you asked me 10 minutes afterwards how to do it, I probably could have regurgitated it back to you, but now? Likely, not. I honestly don't understand why he asks me to do these things? I guess he knows me well enough to never, ever (ever!) tell me I can't do something. He knows that I would go all defensive hell beast if he ever tried. I may tell you I can't do something, but don't you ever try to tell me I can't do it. He knows me so well, awe (Where's the cutesy heart emoticon on this thing?).



Moral of this story: If you electrocute yourself in a hermit's shanty, spiders will likely feast on your corpse....

Thursday 14 August 2014

What happened? I used to be intelligent!

I am used to feeling smart. (I know its sad, but) I'm used to thinking that I'm the intelligent one in the room. It's a mentality that I intentionally carefully cultivated after years of being cripplingly self conscious. Once I branched out on my own, with a new baby, I went back to school and discovered that "Hey, I'm not so useless after all!". I got really good grades and caught on to things quickly and found that I actually really enjoy learning. Then as I ventured out into the work force, I climbed ladders quickly and always did the best in my position. Evidently, during this transitional phase in my life, I really let it get to my head.

Since moving to the ranch, I've discovered that I. know. Nothing.

I severely underestimated the amount of all-around knowledge running a ranch requires. I figured, like I said in a previous blog post, don't you just throw some food at cows and they grow into tasty burgers or something? It is so much more intensive than what I had previously assumed.

Examples of things I've given up trying to wrap my oh-so-superior brain around:
  •  The geneology of cow dogs,
  • Why no body wants to buy this breed of cow, but we're going to do it and somehow it will make us money? 
  • The different avenues of income a ranch as complex as ours has,
  • Government range leases,
  • The subtle nuances of cattle body language (actually, I'm still working on this one)
  • How dropping six figures on various ranch related necessities is perfectly normal?!
  • How the seemingly unrelated happenings overseas effect hay prices in our little blip on the map
  • Why sheep like to die?!
  • The Cattlemens Association and all its confusing programs,
  • Why the price of cows can change drastically from one day to another.
I'm sure there are much more, but apparently I have pushed them from my brain in an attempt to maintain some shred of the belief that I am still smart.

It's been a humbling experience. I've learned there are different kinds of smart. Like there is "street smart" and "book smart". I am definately not "ranch smart".